A Holiday Note

  (´• ̮•)˛° /.♫.♫\˛. ˛       Π____. * ˛*

.°( . • .) ˛°./• '♫ ' •\. ˛*./______/~＼*. ˛*.。˛

*(...'•'.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛°.｜田田 ｜門｜╬╬╬

¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯` ´¯˜"*°´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`

"Star light, star bright,

First star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have this wish I wish tonight."

 ★Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Years To Everyone who reads my blog★

Finding Inspiration In the Air

1. "For a day to be lost is for a day to be Forgiving." 
2. "Art is the beauty within nature."
3. "For those who saken us, must be forgotten."
4. "For art to be right, your voice must be cleared."
5. "Respect those who can dream but to those who suffer."
6. "Nothing is given until the day has risen."
7. "For Art thou stay, may be hatin to be forgotten,"
8. "Respect the work of art as it was written ages ago."
9. "For those to be inspired, are the ones that want to be faithful liars

All of these are written from the Inspiration of Art around me. If there was no art in the world, it would be harder to express the way you feel when you look at the image that God has given us to see.

-James Le

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I really hate all those who lie, even if everyone human have lied more than once. I especially hate those who lie to you when you invite them to an event and later on the day you found out where they really were instead of telling me the truth. I know I am a horrible liar but at least I learn that I should have came up with a better excuse than having to make a reputation on yourself for others to see. I am a liar but I am able to stop myself instead of having to keep coming up with excuses until the day I die. If you want to tell me a lie, make sure you either do it right or just tell me the truth, instead of having to go behind my back when I will find out what the real truth is.

A Little Side Note

Even if a thing or two have changed us both, I still want you to know that we are still friends. It doesn't matter if you hate me for doing something wrong or stupid. I still was there for you when you needed someone to be there. You impacted yourself where in a way that you just want to ignore me and box me out of your life and the point is that I do not really understand why. When it comes to situations like that I really just don't really know how to act around people anymore or want to be around the people like you. You were like the notes that were given out from a teacher where you let me at least learn a few facts about you being able to let me feel more confident about myself. I never had the confidence to even comfort you in person instead of over a screen

My father I've never seen

It means that they are always there able to teach how to become a well grown man but instead my dad does it but with a force. I just want a dad where, he will be able to see me grow and support everything I have been going through in life. Guess what my dad does not really care about me. He was never there for my graduation, always away on my birthdays and never there when i just want a dad to show me how it is like to become a grown up man. My dad is nothing but selfish and greedy. I always wanted to be like my dad when i grew up but guess what he fucked up everything for me like he smoked  cigarettes and drank beer just to make himself feel better because his older brother did it too, was greedy with the money he came home with from the casino with and not ever being there for me when i want. He is my definition of insecurity. Always impatient, yelling instead of using a normal tone, always have to critique everything he eats and so forth. I understand from his point of view is that he was raised under communist power and the fact he went through all these hard conditions that he decides to do the same for me. I have a dad that wouldn't let me have any fun like going to the casino, play poker, drink alcohol and so forth not even getting a chance for myself to stand up for myself. He has never let me stand up for myself when it comes down to the point he has to win every single argument. My dad has threatened me to life many times where I am ready to fight his battles and take on what he has to offer me. I never called him my dad. I only called him dad because i have to and also the fact that my mom marry this man. Never saw the dad in him. I grew up with piled up bricks on my back and it is all from the stress my dad is putting on me. When it comes to money I say no to him. I don't wanna touch his money. I would rather get everything the hard way. Make money my own way, Raise a family better than he did and become the Father my kid would want to have. My throat always swells up when he is in my face, bossing me around like he is the dictator of the family. I am always there for him like when he needs me to teach him how to do something or when he needs the hand. He never returns the favor and does something no one would want him to do.  Is he really my dad? or a dictator like Ho Chi Minh?

The flow of Art

"Art is destined upon your destiny. The flow of art is the sense of beauty," -Unknown

"The nature within the art itself is natural. Anything else beyond this point is a change of society."

The Bothered Feelings

I feel bothered being alone but it's better to be single since you are never alone. It's just the thought hits you where you really don't want to be shot. I was told by many that I take it too long to try to get something accomplished and it doesn't work because that's what's driving you away. I did the opposite and guess what I just got to know you and tell you that I like you and haven't ever talked since. Like maybe if I knew better I would have paced it and have gotten somewhere with my life but instead I'm stuck in the middle of the situation where I do not really want to be. I don't even know why I tell everyone to just take things slow and things will determine if you have hope or don't. Maybe I'm just that type of friend that cares about everyone around them that they don't even have the time to learn about myself. I didn't even find the happy side of myself. I'm just here bottling everything up and having all these thoughts that can't even be put into my mouth but yet instead just in another bottle where I never want them to be. I just wish throwing out the bottle is better than me having it to seal everything up and hoping someone someday will receive the message left behind on the long sad day.

Just a given hand

I just want to be a friend where I would help and have your back when you need it, there to tell you to feel better and get well soon or even to just hear you be the next president trying to run a country. I just want you to know that I really care but just scared to feel attached and when others assume things it is where it bothers me. I am just trying to tell you I'm looking over others as they would do the same back. But I just don't see the picture when it comes to the fact that I'm hiding behind the bush hoping you wouldn't catch me. I always want to be able to be friends with you without an assumption between history. Do you even know I care? Because I do but I don't show it because I'm scared of the facts that my emotions are going to spill. Oh well things don't just happen for a reason.

Just a Question to Ask

If I were to ask you if you're okay or how are you doing? Are you willing to tell me how you feel or do I have to find a way to make you smile

The Autumn's Eve

I walked with you from tear to tear, hoping that you were near to fear. Hoping you was the way to go, but never wished I had a place to go, Over the autumn's leaves they blow. The breeze sneezed when I was there, hoped you noticed I had a stare. Don't glare at me with your crusty eyes because someone out there is ready to cry. Hope you enjoyed this poem. Next time you visit, tell me how to roam, the roads of destiny.

The Inspirational Drawing

I am tired of the fact that people make fun of me for many things like the fact that I am a weak individual, too soft at heart and even the fact that I am not as unique as many you see around these days. Of course no one is perfect, not even God. I am tired of everyone just making fun of me. I will express my individuality my own way instead of having to listen to you run your mouth about me. People always ask what I really want to do in the future and my answer is to be an artist. Some think it is a joke but it actually is not. Art is the best way to express how you are feeling and how everything has their approach in this world. I also want to be an inspiration to those who can not find their own.

Dying in the Dust

Why are all these thoughts about you keep coming to me from day to day? We have never touched hands nor minds and you are always on my mind at some point during the day. It is even hard for me to admit the fact I like you even though you already know by all the hints that I have been giving you. I just hope we can work something out instead of letting is die in the dust

A Thought Unanswered

I feel like a fool when I told you a lie and now it is haunting me and it will not go away until I tell you the truth and I'm scared of what you are going to have to say to me. I do not care if we going to have a gap in between us for a while because I really just want something to good happen instead of just letting this thought sink into my brain and bother me for the rest of my life. If it was not for me to be able to change the way I feel and thought about people I would probably be a more confident type of person today. I just hope things will change over time. Just got to keep praying for some answers to all my questions.

The Hurtful Truth

I'm scared of the fact that if I tell you how I feel I would be more hurt even if you accept the truth

The Existing of the Non-Existant

It's weird seeing you from day to day. Trying to pretend that you never exist is something hard for me to get use to. If we had something, you should not have told me that there were other guys waiting for you in line waiting to get to know you like I wanted to. If we ever talked or meet again I'd probably just act like the person that never met you in the first place. Girls like you are seriously hard to get even if you had given me the chance. Friend zoning you in the end was worth it because I know that there were other guys better than me. "Don't have a special relationship online with another person because once you meet them they are different than they are behind the screen and rather meet the person in real life. Either way you are not knowing if the other person did something behind your back and you won't be able to know until someone has informed you of it"

Fear Of Losing Thoughts

Late Night thoughts are killing me day in and day out. Only if there was someone to talk to these days about these thoughts I have. I just need to admit or tell you how I feel but to me that's impossible to do. I just need more confidence to walk up to you and say to your face what I need to say instead of having them stored away as it will come back to you one day...

Waiting and Wishing For You

You're never there when I really want to tell you how I feel about you. My insides are slowly dying waiting for the day you respond to the question you haven't answered for ages. You have always been on my mind and will be until I get a straight up answer from you. I always know you are busy with other things, but you should have at least a few minutes of your day to talk to me. I really just want to hear what you have to say instead of me just making up complete bullshit and think that you would respond to my question in one simple way. Like of course it was a bit awkward when I see you around and just walk by each other with our heads down trying to act like we didn't even see each other. I am not even sure if I should keep chasing you even though you are just ignoring my existence. You probably have a thing for me and I probably don't know about it until I know it or via verse. My dream and goal are to at least find someone worth the count that you wouldn't be left many numbers to count in the end. Like I really wanted to be there and close to you since the beginning but you are hiding and not being able to show me who you really are. I have asked others and most have told me to just try to do something instead of having to plan it through your brain but you know of course every thought is perfect but in the end it does not end the way you really want it. If you are going to go for someone at least tell them as soon as possible before they move on another person. Stay strong and believe in the confidence

The Unheard Story

what's life on a day like every day to you? Questions I ask myself is that I have been asked every day but was never able to be answered. Do I have friends? Do they really have my back? All I know that is that they don't because they never come by and ask how am I nor how am I doing. I am just there everyday for my friends to listen to their everyday story instead of them coming to me for a hand. I have been keeping all my friends bullshit where it belong and hurts me the most even though it doesn't effect me. I only know I have at least 1-2 friends at most who are always there for me and are willing to listen to my story as the rest of the few 100 people I know that are just there for me for just the reason of having a common interest. Do you really truly care how I feel? Are you there to listen or are you there to tell me that you are just there to care? I am of course trying to get stronger and be the tougher person I really want to be, but I can't because there is stuff that are pushing me down and making me not want to become a better human I am today? Have you ever wanted to know my real story, the truth behind my smile? Or are you there to tell me your piece of bullshit? I don't think anyone knows what I am going through except for those who I have spoken to. All this time for everyone to think I have a good life I don't. I have lied my whole life, telling everyone bullshit about my life and about how my love life is when everyone believes through all these lies I have been telling them for a good whole decade. I clearly can say I have friends but not TRUE FRIEND. All I remember from day to day is that I am listening to everyone and being a good listener I am and trying to help all my friends get through life. My only 11:11 wish is that I really want to become a stronger individual and being able to run my own life without other having to step all over me and telling me what to do or just judge me whenever it is a great time. I get myself hurt and broken into pieces and not being able to speak the truth. I will keep praying every day until I have my own life to worry about and not yours. "Don't let greed be your friend because in the end you are going to lose a friend or so."Greed is so destructive. It destroys everything.

The Unwanted Feeling...

I miss you from day to day wishing you come by and say hey, but you are not worth my time, so time to say you are not worth the wait.

It's been a while

It has been a while since I wrote something on my blog. I was really busy with life! Not really. I have just been home playing the game and watching the Fifa World Cup! I am that kind of people where I don't have anything to write about as these are usual just thoughts that kind from the mind. My plan from now and then on is to hopefully give myself a little time off of school and hopefully find a job for myself and be able to pay off some debts and use they to an extent where I can do much more in the future. Lots of people have been asking what I wanted to do in post- secondary. My only plan and option at this point are to get into Graphic Designs as it can get me into other art schools like in Vancouver, BC or even somewhere within the world. It was great that my blog is where it is at today and how it inspires everyone on the internet to be able to connect and relate to the issue. I can say that I have inspired many people to have a blog and being able to express what you feel on paper or the internet then just keeping all your feelings bottled up. Like I hope to those who read this are enjoying their lives and being able to vent for those out there as many people of those individuals on the internet as many have experienced these phases of life. I only decided to write a post because it will help me out and keeps me stay in shape because if one day I do not see paper nor the computer I should be able to remember how to read and write as it is a skill you need everywhere you go especially when you are in school or in the real world finding a job and working for the industry

Desperation

Somedays I enjoy myself as a single individual. Not having anyone bother you is just a feeling you are getting used to after a while. After being single for quite a few years and having friends of the opposite gender, I always talk about or usually ask others about their love life, of course, it has their up and downs and are not always able live up with how they feel. I feel like people come to me like I am an expert being able to confront and advise you about your problems. I am always glad to give you a hand but do you even know that I am just getting the most desperate day in and day out only on the days that this topic keeps popping up out of nowhere like those ads on your computer. The times I want to find someone, it is always either they do not find interest or even if I fall in love too fast. Of course, I take everything slow but those days are killing me always having those thoughts in the corner of your brain. Always dreaming about what you would do if you were in a relationship with everyone that you have chased for. I just tell people do not chase too hard because in the end you are just there left alone on the corner of the street.

Friends within the FriendZone

Just because I told you that I liked you and said you just wanted to be friends does not really mean that you really got friend zoned. Everyone started in the friend zone and stay there until, they want to move on to a relationship and so fourth. This is also meant that both of you just be friends until the time is right and ready for a new level.

That "Other" Guy

I'm tired of being called your other guy. It is basically a word that means that they come to you for help, advice or even need a shoulder to cry on. Of course, I am a nice guy and willing to lend a hand and do what is needed to keep you happy but it is just getting annoying to the fact that I am your other guy.

The change upon the stars

I changed the way I used to be. I never spoke a word. Not a single truth spitting out to the blue. Bring me the light into the stars. Don't overwrite the feelings I used to have for you. Show me the way that everyday takes you. Tell me who I truly am. Speak the truth among others, maybe the faith will be upon your hands. Show the brightness within those with a smile. Maybe even spark the light in the pondering stars. Show me the way, the way of who you are. Bring the light upon light. Show the stars in your eyes. Tell those crazy ones to change a mind of a broken one and maybe change the world within your spirit. Don't lie to those who rely upon. Break the hearts of a kid and end up in a tragedy. Bring those kids to safety and Hope The Will Be In Your Hands

The Unserious of Serious

Why should I even bother to come out to you and admit the feelings I have for you and all of the sudden you take those feelings of mine as a joke

Something to go back to

Did you ever have the thought that you want to go back to one of your old crushes and try to find a way to fix everything within your friendship? I know i always have. They are just thoughts that are meant to be forgotten if you don't do anything about them. On some days it will bother you again yet want you know if they have also thought of you.

If it wasn't for us to like each other I wouldn't have gain the confidence i have today and being able to talk to girls like you today and would have left life as it is as awkward as it already is. Just a thought of me thinking that if i were to tell you every thought i had about you, you probably would want to give me a chance. That is the only thought that scares me because i know not all of the thoughts will work out as I am willing to take a risk at life and do it for Jesus.

The thought of you coming back into my life

We all make friends, in a way or another. You leave them because something happens or even when something bothers you about them. Of course, no one is perfect. Just learn the fact that if you get into an argument with your friends, at least find a way to solve it instead of letting your anger and holding the heavyweight that it leaves behind. You shouldn't just leave your great groups of friends for another. One day you will end up roaming back in and really want to apologize to them for leaving the group in the first place. Topics like this I do not believe in picking sides as most already know that ends up in a worse scenario, where you have to go behind your friends back and see the other person and usually lie to the other person about a different story about their day. If you make friends, at least know who to trust before deciding to move on with your friendship with another person. This is why most people see me just there sitting in the middle just listening to everyone's story instead of getting involved which I can understand. Life is never perfect and it never should be. Think for yourself instead of others

The Insult Mirror

You tell me that I need to get construction done to my face yet you are the one who needs face surgery not me.
            I understand most people insult you and don't realize the fact that most of them basically will hit you back. Before insulting someone think what you are about to say without insulting yourself Feeling sorry? Not really Continued.......I used to love to insult people and talk about them behind their back. People tell me that it is mean, but it is also true about them. I learnt it the hard way, that people get hurt and most commit suicide because of bullying. I then told myself maybe I should not care about what others say and just let say what they want to say. Karma will get you back eventually. "Like what's comes around goes around" right?

Not everyone gets heard

Stop hiding everything behind your smile and tell someone about it. Hiding the truth behind your smile isn't a safety precaution due to depression and that possibly can lead to something no one wants to see which is suicide. It may be a thought anyone would have because of how their life has been.
Either talk to someone about like there are over millions of people in our world and you think you trust not even 1 out of the billion? I can tell you to stick to people you trust. Don't let your guard down and let your results build up and become a better person

On A Strong Note

I have moved on and became a stronger individual. I have to learn the fact that you should just leave whatever you have had in the past and move on and forget about everything and become a stronger person. I myself learn how to let all of my insecurities go and is able to tell everyone and anyone what the truth is behind my smile

a Question remained unanswered

do you go back in time and think what went wrong with one of your old friendships and really want to go back in time and be able to fix that problem? Or even the fact that you miss someone even though they haven't been in your life? Do you miss someone then you start talking to them hoping they would miss you back but then wouldn't mean it until you get to see them face to face after a few years after not seeing each other?

The chase will continue

My friends tell me you should not be really bothered about the love life and let it find its own way to your heart instead of finding your answer. Leaving it behind will be a relief as it will make you a little less stress and a little more open to what the world has for you #NewChanges

Progress at its success

So, I kind of found the answers to my questions. People just want me to be happy and not bother me about my life as everyone has their own life to live. Most people see me as a happy independent person who does not really seemed bothered and a really active and a great person to be a friend with even though I don't talk much as if you are expecting that from me #HappyThoughtsDontComeToAnEnd

Something i never want to leave behind

Something I never wanted to leave behind was the love I had for you. Every girl I admitted to them that I liked was left on some type of cliffhanger. The first girl I went for I didn't know that I friend zoned myself until now. I never knew dealing with these relationships are harder than they are. The most recent girl, I left her with nothing from me except for the fact that we met each other at a school's barbecue when I first moved. You left me for a better guy, which I am happy for because life gives you opportunities and not all opportunities last forever

Nothing but a loss

I feel like having a relationship is not a the key of life. It really bothers me when someone ask who I like. I am not trying to bother with who I want to be in my life at the moment. There is a lot of other time for people to think that they want the perfect one. I always rather wanted to be a counselor and help people out about their problems since no one bothers to ask me about my problems which I see is usually something I do not really want to look back up. Memories are just memories that one just leave your mind forever, it also tells us which memories are made to remember and as you know the others you will forget over a period of time.

The Fear Of...

I would come back to you and tell you the fact that I miss you, but I am scared that you don't have that same feeling. Most people just say it to make you feel better when you know that you are just getting hurt on the inside and not being about to explain those feelings that you have for them.

Something To Be Sorry For.

I am sorry to all those who I kept you guys waiting for me to do something

Something Distant

I kind of learned the fact that I distant myself from a lot of people. I distant myself away from people because they want me to at least care about what is going on with their own situation. Like I said no one really bothers to hear my story. A story that can never be told more than once without hurting myself. Words are words that can't is explained. I haven't really learn who I truly am. I am trying to learn who I am by doing nothing but just keeping the truth inside of me. I do not really see the reason why I reach out to people when no one even bother to ask me, if I am ok or if I am hurt. Why do people bother to be my friend if they don't know the story behind my smile?

That One Day

I am missing those days where I didn't push anyone away and would have them by my side. Being able to tell them anything and comfort them at any time they needed help in life

The Chase

I have always been the one chasing for you, I never gave it a break. Chasing from girl to girl would hurt me even more. I would ask myself why stop chasing and let the girl chase you around instead? I never thought it was going to be easy because I am not as open as most of the people are in this world

Those Slow Days

Those slow days are days that can be enjoyable. One day can be sunny and another day can be moody. None of these days are well spent by all the time we have. People striving and driving around like they know what they are doing while others are just sitting there counting stones and pebbles like there are only one or two. Always someone walking in the rain like they need someone to be around them. Rain are just words that are meant to be poured out by the feelings that are held in that bottle. Rain Drops dropping, dropping on me, they ain't trying so splash me and let me be free.

The Spoken Truth

It is not about your one you are trying to chase that is hurting you, it is the fact that you gained some confidence to talk to them and at the end of the day you are just walking away from them feeling better than before. You will get over them one day and find someone who is better for you. Don't let your past bring you down.

Some days are just the days you wish it could be

Some days are days that I want to apologize even though I did nothing wrong. I feel like many people should apologize even if it is not their fault. If you have to apologize just do it, nothing is there to stop you. Chances may be hard to get but in the end you have earned it.

Pondering Thoughts

Just the fact that I miss you and really want to talk to you but I don't know what I should talk to you about. It feels like that every time I say I miss you is the fact that I say it way to often and start to feel like it is slowly losing its meaning. Nothing but just late night thoughts

A Bottled Message

Days like these are meant to be warm and sunny. To the fact that today was raining kind of changed the way, I anticipate things. Rainy days are usually the best days for most of us that want to think about our future or even what is going to happen for the next few months and so forth. I never got a chance to be close to a girl as you were with any other girl. I was one of those guys who was more use to long distance relationships. I never got a chance to talk to a girl normally in person. The closest way I can get to talk to a girl is usually through the internet. They all say that "Confidence is key to having a relationship." Like I honestly think I did get that confidence this valentines day even though it did not turn out the way I wanted too. At least she gave me a chance for a try. Like for me, when thoughts come into my head, I would usually just bottle it up instead of telling someone about it. Everyone even knows that there is no one to even trust in this world. I believe I am one of those people who are even open about anything about my life until someone asks me about it. Well, no one does. I hear everyone's everyday story, but why not want to know what I have kept bottled inside this whole time. I am actually scared of what I will say if I ever did open up to people. Like Social Media is soo strong that if you want to talk about someone, you really can't because everyone assumes things. I can tell you that I am lost in this love life. I just go from girl to girl, but the problem here is that once the conversation dies, I can't do anything but just end up getting hurt because of the things I have kept in this bottle. I never even had the balls to ask someone or anyone to do something with me when they usually assume that I like them or even have a thing for them. I have never taken the experience of another girl liking me back. This is kind of an eye opener for me. So what do you expect next? The fact that any other guy/ girl can hit on you and I can't do anything about it yet because I am not yours yet...I don't even know if I even have the guts to tell you every single thought I have about you. You can tell me that. Like some days, when I see you around, it feels like that we don't have that spark on being each other crushes. Like I feel like I have a shy type of personality where most of my thoughts are kept to myself yet again. I promised you I will try my best to try to talk to you but you know it is hard because it is something I am not really used to expect the fact that girls are not my specialty. I talk to my friends and give my friends good pieces of advice about their love life like I already have experienced it all. I think I did, but everyone, of course, knows that I don't.