The Wall Built inside me.

All this anger build inside me is slowly building up day by day by those who would love to anger me. I never knew, I held grudges from time to time but it bothers me to say that I wish I had the guts to just straight up confront you instead of adding a new brick overtime something angers me. I can say one has been built over time and it comes to the fact that I just want to get rid of you out of my life but you keep coming back and doing the same thing to me and many other individuals. You seriously make a big scene in your life for us to even care about you. Do you even know how people even feel about you? Of course you don't because it is the fact that you keep doing the same thing over and over. I have forgive and forget many things people do to anger me but you are still the reason why my anger is building this wall that I just want to get rid of. I would call you out any day but I can't for the fact that you will keep doing the same shit. I just want to change because you are not who you are. I don't even see you in my life because you keep causing drama for me and many individuals. I just want you to look in the mirror at who you really are and think about it instead of having to coming back and telling me this bullshit you keep using. Your bull shit will work sometimes but you are really just not legit with me anymore, maybe that's why people feel bad for you and act like they don't. You are only alive on this day because people believe you have the right to live... Well do you? To anyone, you still deserve a chance to live but not in a way where you just decide to always straight up making people continuously after every single situation we have been through. I don't care if I hate you, I am not the only one who you made upset. I still remember that day when I left you speechless, you went to someone who you thought who was really close to you when they weren't and told me let go of this anger I have for you and keep moving on? You are really a joke in my books. You tell me you look in the mirror and realized you are only yourself is a lie because you are wrong, you did not take the time to think what have you been doing to throw away our friendship. Instead you just keep continuing with your life like you know what you are doing. Your actions to prove someone who are just yourself, well you aren't, even the way you dress for someone to give you a good first impression, well that isn't really who you are. You should rather learn how to be yourself instead of having to prove yourself to others and getting hurt because I know what you are going through but you aren't listening to your peers. Some days, you just need a place for yourself to find who you were the whole time instead of being yourself. That person will be the person who you will find out that you were not being you the whole time and come back one day to apologize and I won't be there to even bother to accept your actions because you came a little too late and realize you can not win my friendship back with you any longer. I just hope you have a good life without me being around it anymore...

Getting tired of those doubters

I am getting sick of always being doubted. From being a young little toddler and even till this day I get doubted. As a kid I was doubted that my family would always think I will never be taller than my sister but they were all wrong. They always doubted that I will never in my life eat any type of meat. They were also wrong. As I get to this age, I know I would still get doubted. My family and friends always doubt me to the fact that I just want to kill myself. I told myself I would never do that as I can still have a life to live. Anyone can doubt me and I will prove to them that I can do it. My friends and families to this day doubt that I am always at home and do nothing useful with my life and always sticking my head into video games until I die. Well those who did doubt me were wrong. I always prefer to be away from the house as much as I can, because being at home is just as boring as just re-watching the same movie over and over again. The thoughts I have to my doubters are that may be I should become homeless just for the hell of it and see who doubt me then? I just wish I had the support from my friends and family instead of me pushing myself away from them because it is what I feel like is what happening right now. I take those bad days even outside of the house because the thought of being at home just makes me feel bored and that I will continue to stick my face in the computer screen the whole day. Rain, wind, snow, nothing will stop me from going out unless my body tells me that I should just stay home and be in bed all day. Anyone can keep doubting me if they want but it won't stop me, because I will doubt you all wrong that I can do something you thought I could have never done. I just really wished I had friends and family who will just support me through everything instead of always pushing my down and being a person no one wants to see as a friend or family member.

#DearMe

Dear Younger Me, Somethings I want to tell me younger self is that I want to stop showing off to the world the talents I believe I got but I really didn't. I always think like to brag myself to others like how I would do good in this or that subject but in the end it wasn't even a good result. Some days, I wish I had not pushed all those friends I made in elementary, and middle school friends away because I left them behind and went to somewhere I had to restart my life at. Those friends I have pushed away, were people who I made happy. They were pushed away because I changed as a person over time. I went from being loud and active to some introvert who just sits there and listen to what you got to say and enjoy the ride without even saying a word. Back then, I used to be well known for many things, because I was a talented person and really wanted to show off to all these individual but in the end I lost most of these friends who used to be there for me.Some days I wish I did things I never did, like not giving anyone a chance at love or even bother to try. When I look at love now, it feel like it is harder to find someone then it was as a younger person. Or even giving a chance instead of hiding away in the shadows hoping you will still be there when I come back to you later on. Guess what? I tried. Having these thoughts about my old lovers really tell me that I messed up, why? Because I said things I have promised I would do but in the end it just goes by. I wish I had someone to always be there for me to tell them how I feel but I couldn't. Everything had to be bottled-up hoping someone on the other side of the ocean will find this bottle floating in the ocean the pick it up and read all these feelings I used to have. I wish I was more involved in the community with sports and being able to make more friends. As of now, I stick to the friends I have grown with since then and still but of course they do not all stay as they could leave for a better life today. I still wish I was able to tell anyone anything but I trusted no one because no one was around. I also wished I never lied to everyone about the truth, these lies have haunt me even until this day because I am just scared it would hurt them the most and when I am trying to get there backs. I wish if there were people that wanted to know the dark truth, they had to come and ask me what really happened instead of having to keep it deep down where it really hurts the most

March Inspirational Quote of the Month