Day 61: Thought of the day 2/29/2016

I just need the space to breathe. Just a day away from all this stress building up. I always find ways to relieve this stress but it just comes back and puts a lot of pressure on my body. I don't want to be around you anymore. Every time you yell at me or at anyone my throat locks up as I'm ready to hurt you. I don't even want you in my life anymore. I respect you but I know that I don't it back. Why do I even waste time being around you when all you do is push me down. It anger drives me crazy when I tell my friends and other family members how I feel about you. Did you change? Not really. You still push me around every day stressing out about my mistakes then helping me improve. Everyone tells me that it is your way of showing me that you care about your family... I once thought it was but now I know it's hard to live up to your reputation. You are basically a diva. I don't care if you are showing your dominance in the house but I really just wished I had a REAL instead of going to another man in my life and say that he is a better father figure than you are. You always compare me to the most stupid things... I never learned how to tie my own shoes until I was in middle school... The one time I had to tie my shoes for the first time was at my elementary school Christmas concert... You stood there to yell at me and give me a hard time then teach me and then you tell me "A kid in Vietnam can do that at 1-year-old" I know you exaggerate but it puts me down no matter what the situation is. I don't know if you even know how to live in this days society... It won't accept you like they did back in the day. I always get advice and help from everyone as much as I can and they say the same thing. It is just the language barrier. I mean I do agree with that but no one will accept you if you just accepted me as an adult but you haven't. I know that you have accepted me is when you tell me like when you accepted me as a teenager and no longer a kid. I am all choked up and muscles are giving me multiple spasms having to type all of this out and having to tell the world how I'm feeling. Even putting it out there won't help me feel better it never will. Speaking to someone doesn't either. Only you can make it better yourself. I just wish you knew better